Leaving Corporate: 10 Things My First Year on My Own Taught Me

I wrote this at the end of 2014, my first year on my own after leaving corporate life. I'm sharing it as it was, a look back at that year.

Dear friend, the year has ended and a new one has begun. How are you?

While we were all trying to survive a Siberian cold snap here, I wanted to warm us up a little.

The first weeks of January are usually for settling accounts with the year behind us. People write new lists for themselves and try to live up to them. I decided not to break the tradition, in my own small way.

How was your year, by the way? You more or less know how mine went. New decisions, courage, and the long process of finding the work I love and actually doing it. That is exactly why the new year excites me so much. Who will I meet? What will I make? Will my dreams come true? I am genuinely curious, and genuinely thrilled.

I have always found the countdown at midnight a kind of collective madness. Everyone shouts ten, nine, eight together, and when they hit zero they are wildly happy, hugging and kissing whoever is nearby, or at the very least laughing and cheering. Isn't it strange?

If the secret is counting down from ten and feeling happy, why wait for a whole year to end? We could do it today. Right now, even.

So here is what 2014 taught me. Once upon a time... Let's count down together.

10. Is quitting a corporate job as hard as it sounds?

"Screw you guys, I'm going home!" (Eric Cartman)

The most important decision of my year was resigning from my white-collar life in a corporate tower. Going from a regular salary and health insurance every month to sudden uncertainty is harder than you think. Believe me. But nobody ever promised that life would be easy, did they?

That year I started my own business, working as what I then called myself, a career and future coach. I love what I do. Together with people, we change things for the better, and seeing that spark in someone's eyes is priceless.

Heading into 2015, I wanted to keep renewing myself with new projects and put my name to many good things. Let's see what happens, I said.

9. Why does finding your own voice matter so much?

"Don't let the noise of other people's opinions drown out your inner voice." (Steve Jobs)

We so often underestimate the power of words. What we say to our partner, our manager, our friends, our children, or anyone we hope to influence matters enormously. In my experience, how we say something often matters more than what we say. And how we say it is shaped by our feelings, our thoughts and our memories.

We don't know the power of our own voice, so we use our right to stay silent. We have endless excuses. Why stir things up for no reason. I don't want to spoil the relationship. If I ask that question, everyone will think it's ridiculous.

Thinking something is lovely. Being aware of it is even better. But if we don't act on it, explain it, say it out loud, it doesn't lead anywhere, does it? If we can't express ourselves, how are others supposed to know us? To understand us?

Real communication changes behaviour. If it doesn't, we are simply passing on information. Communication versus information.

Think about your own conversations. Do they change anything?

I learned this in 2014, and even being able to share it with you felt wonderful. Thank you for reading, for sharing, and for letting your own beautiful voice be heard.

8. Is being happy really that difficult?

"Happiness is only real when it's shared." (Into the Wild)

I grew up in a country with a famous soft spot for suffering. Being happy can be seen as almost shameful there, something to look down on, and sharing good feelings can draw a reaction. This year I realised what a pitiful argument that really is.

Instead of leaning against the wall with a drink in my hand, staring around in boredom, I now choose to dance. To enjoy the music.

Happiness has to do with brain chemistry, yes, but it is also in your hands. And the happiness that comes when you feel you've achieved something, when you've made a difference, is priceless.

My family is the happiest of all, because it turns out all they ever wanted was to see their child happy. I'm so glad I learned that this year.

7. Why do the people around you shape who you become?

"People inspire you, or they drain you. Pick them wisely." (Hans F. Hansen)

Life throws all kinds of difficulties at us, and instead of inspiring us to overcome them, these obstacles often become the excuses that hold us back. If you find something quickly and easily, it isn't inspiring. We tend to love the hard way. And solving it alone.

Believe me, nobody knows this better than I do, because I was exactly like that.

So what changed? I found new playmates.

If anyone out there claims that playing chess alone is fun, please tell me, because it had stopped giving me any pleasure. What did I do? I changed it. That's all.

6. What does it feel like to do work you love?

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." (Howard Thurman)

It feels A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

I remember this very clearly. In my early corporate days, I used to put together a weekly bulletin of everything happening in the city. Paid and free events, family options, all of it, sent out by email. Nobody asked me to. It simply made me happy. At the very least, I thought I was saving people some time.

Until one day someone came up to me and said, "Gizem, don't you have any work to do? Why are you sending these? Clearly you have too much free time!"

I didn't understand at first. Later I did. Between departments, the message was my work is more important than yours; look, your specialist sends out this stuff, so obviously she has time to kill.

Trust me, they made plenty of fun of me in my working life. Because I didn't belong there. And I kept asking them questions they didn't want to hear.

Being able to notice this and smile about it is lovely in itself, because now I can.

5. Can you still surprise yourself?

"We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will." (Chuck Palahniuk)

I knew absolutely nothing about web design, and I have now built two websites. I didn't even think I could.

With every poster, animation and video I make, I learn something new each day. It's an incredible feeling. And I have to confess, I love the comments you send. Thank you so much.

4. Can people really change?

"Nothing that I can do will change the structure of the universe. But maybe, by raising my voice I can help the greatest of all causes, goodwill among men and peace on earth." (Albert Einstein)

You know personality tests, don't you? You've surely taken one. Blue or yellow, owl or hawk, and so on.

Those who know me know I'm generally against personality tests, and against almost anything that puts people into categories. Because as human beings we are situational. If a stranger on the street slapped us, we'd question his sanity. If he slapped our mother, we might lose our minds. The people you think are the calmest, most non-violent souls can turn the most savage in situations they never wanted.

So why do you think they keep trying to categorise us?

To find our greatest common divisor, and manage us accordingly.

If we want to, we can change. How others categorise us turned out not to matter much at all. The control is ours. That is what I realised.

3. Why do even strong people need support?

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool, for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive." (Oriah Mountain Dreamer)

This year I realised I don't have to fight everything alone or keep looking strong.

All of us have lost things in this life, made bad choices, been treated unfairly. To move forward, to live new adventures, to make new decisions, we have to get past them.

Please think about your workplace for a moment.

How many of you are happy at work? How many of us get along really, truly well with our manager, our colleagues, HR? Do they give you everything you want on pay, working hours, recognition and benefits? In meetings, can you voice your disagreement freely, without hesitating? Say you did. It won't be used against you later, will it? How many people completely trust their manager and their colleagues?

Trust matters so much, at work and in private life.

This year I learned again how to trust, how to ask for help, how to accept support.

2. Why is spontaneity a kind of freedom?

"Courage and willingness to just go for it, whether it is a conversation or a spontaneous trip or trying new things that are scary, it is a really attractive quality." (Alanis Morissette)

Being spontaneous, letting yourself go a little with change and adaptation, doing what you want. It's so beautiful.

For instance, when I realised I wanted to spend the new year with my family, I made a sudden decision. Tomorrow morning I'm off to İzmir. Being with my little nieces, my sister, my mum and my dad is one of the best gifts there is.

I wanted to celebrate that while I still have the time, and the luck.

1. Is change really that frightening?

"Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein." (Life's Little Instruction Book)

It turns out it isn't.

Even as I write this to you, I'm still asking myself why I postponed doing what I wanted for so many years.

I'm so happy that I could make my own decisions, and that I decided to make a difference in this world, however small. And happy that I can share it, and that you read it and share your heartfelt comments with me.

To everyone who came into my life in 2014, who inspired me, supported me, created change, and who will keep raising their beautiful voices to carry that change into 2015, thank you, thank you so much.

Happy new year.

Now it's time to think about what I'll do in 2015. The first thing on the list is sharing the TED talks that inspire each of my posts here on my website, one with every essay. How about watching your own change week by week, alongside them?

With love,

Gizem

This essay was first published in Turkish on gizemsahan.com.

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